Grief: My Personal Journey Through Loss #5
A few words can say a lot. From conversations with a neighbour while walking our dogs to memories of my mom, I reflect on reaching out when someone is having a difficult time, with some tips from TIME.
Sometimes you want to reach out, but the words won't come. A few words can say a lot and carry a lot of hope. They send a message that you care and are thinking about someone.
My mother-in-law is in a hospital two hours away, and my neighbour is going through something too. We commiserate when we see each other walking our dogs.
Those little conversations matter. You don't always need an answer. Sometimes it helps to have someone listen.
I came across Angela Haupt’s article in TIME, 11 Things to Say When Someone Dies Besides “I'm Sorry”.
Here are the eleven suggestions in my own words, based on Angela Haupt’s TIME article:
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Acknowledge how difficult their loss is.
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Offer your condolences.
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Share a fond memory of the person.
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Offer specific, practical help.
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Let them know you're emotionally present.
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Mention their loved one's memorable smile or laugh.
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Reach out even when the circumstances make others uncomfortable.
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Ask whether they'd prefer listening or help.
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Ask before offering a hug.
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Check in around meaningful dates and routines.
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Mention everyday things that remind you of their loved one.
The article focuses on bereavement. It offers suggestions from grief professionals: share a memory, offer specific help, listen, and keep checking in beyond those first few days.
Since losing my mom, I've written about her walks, her humour and that moment in her third place (long term care) in two years when she spotted Lucille Ball on the TV and said, “There she is!”
My mom lived a full and wonderful life, with so much to remember. I’ll never forget how we said goodbye. It was excruciatingly difficult, but I believe she waited for us. We got there, and a minute later she closed her eyes. Maybe one day, I’ll find some comfort in remembering the way we said goodbye.
If you're unsure what to say to someone grieving, the TIME article is worth a read.
Recommended reading on this World Mental Health Day: Angela Haupt’s article in TIME. Personal reflection by Danna Bananas.
If someone you care about is grieving, I shared a few thoughts in Grief: My Personal Journey Through Loss #4 | Helping a Friend in Grief. 🤍
