Navigating Grief: How to Support a Loved One Through Loss
Losing someone we love or something we deeply cherish is one of life’s most challenging experiences. The pain of loss can feel overwhelming, leaving a profound sense of emptiness and sorrow. Grieving is a deeply personal journey... one that no one can fully prepare for and that each person navigates in their own way and at their own speed.
In an effort to shed light on this often-overlooked topic, here are insights from three specialists on the most effective ways to support someone going through grief. While there’s no universal solution, as expert Cartwright emphasizes, “There’s no one-size-fits-all approach. It’s about recognizing and educating yourself on grief to the best of your ability.”
Reach Out
After a loss, people often hesitate to reach out, fearing they might intrude or believing they should give the grieving individual space. However, grief counselor Alan Wolfelt stresses the importance of showing up early:
“Show up early on,” Wolfelt advises. “I’d rather you go and put your foot in your mouth than stay away. Your presence is symbolic of your love. It’s not so much what you say—it’s about showing up.”
He also notes, “Some people might teach you they need to go into exile for a while and then come out. You still attempt to reach out and match their style.”
Share Memories
Talking about the person who has passed and sharing fond memories can be deeply therapeutic. Let the grieving individual know it’s okay to reminisce and celebrate the life of their loved one.
What (Not) to Say
It’s not always about what you say, but how you say it—with compassion—that makes the most impact.
David Kessler, a grief expert, explains, “We love giving advice and fixing people, but people in grief don’t need to be fixed because they’re not broken. They just need to be listened to and seen. Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and valued.”
While actions speak louder than words, certain phrases are best avoided:
- Avoid “bright-siding” people with comments like, “At least they’re not suffering,” or “Isn’t it good they passed quickly?” Allow people to grieve authentically and on their own terms.
- Don’t make comparisons. Refrain from saying, “I know how you feel.” Instead, practice deep listening without bringing up your own experiences.
What to Do
Grief often disrupts daily routines, making it difficult for individuals to manage even simple tasks. Being present and offering practical support can make a meaningful difference.
Instead of asking, “What can I do?”, observe their needs and take the initiative:
- Offer to help.
- Help with household chores.
- Drop off a meal or groceries without waiting for permission.
Kessler also emphasizes the importance of remembering significant dates, like death anniversaries or birthdays, and reaching out beforehand:
“The days leading up to that anniversary are often harder. Don’t wait for the day. Call a few days ahead and say, ‘I know your dad’s anniversary is coming up. It must be so hard. I’m thinking of you.’”
Get Informed
“There’s no map for grief,” says Kessler. “It’s an organic experience, and your grief is as unique as a fingerprint.”
Cartwright suggests gaining a deeper understanding of grief by reading about others’ experiences. “If you care about someone grieving, educate yourself. If it’s a child they’ve lost, read stories about that. It’s not about comparing timelines or emotions but about understanding the experience.”
There are many helpful resources to aid you on your learning journey — we recommended starting with Grief Stories.
One of the best things you can do for someone who has experienced a loss is to allow them to grieve on their own terms and timeline — and the latter is often not linear. Grief is messy, the experts all emphasized, and that’s OK.
The Gift of Relaxation and Laughter
While grief is messy and non-linear, finding moments of relief can be healing. Offering the gift of relaxation—whether through a soothing gesture or a moment of lightheartedness—can provide comfort during this difficult time. Take someone out to see comedians. As my Mom passed recently, I went out to see three comedians. I LAUGHed and it was the BEST feeling ever!
There is another show coming up at the end of March with three more comedians. I will definitely be there to LAUGH, once again.
Injecting Humor Thoughtfully
- Share funny memories about the loved one.
- Watch a comedy together—laughter can be a balm for the soul.
- Send lighthearted messages, memes, or jokes to brighten their day. Or go old-school and give them a call on a landline.
Once you’ve gauged their mood and determined they’re open to it, consider a funny gift to add levity to their life. A playful mug, a humorous board game, or a pair of quirky socks can bring comfort and smiles during tough times.
As the saying goes, “Laughter is the best medicine.” While it won’t take away the pain, it can remind them that joy is still possible, even amidst sorrow.
Grief is not about resolution but transformation. As Wolfelt explains, “We don’t resolve grief; we reconcile it. It’s about making life good again.” By showing compassion, taking action, and allowing the grieving individual to heal on their own terms, you offer them the greatest gift of all—support and understanding.
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